Depression: Do you really understand what it feels like?

What does depression really feel like?

I was at a school event for my niece recently where the eager fifth graders were presenting on the importance of well-being and balance in life. It was impressive to see the quality of the presentations and the effort put in my both students and staff. However, one word that was thrown out frequently and in all manner of contexts was ‘depression’. It was used to indicate everything from crying to feeling sad about losing a toy/other article or feeling “down”. Now fifth graders cannot be expected to know what clinical depression is or feels like. Hence, I completely understand the misuse of the word. However, I also encounter adults in routine life using the words ‘depressed’/’depression’ without truly understanding it. Similarly, when someone is actually experiencing clinical depression, I see well-intentioned (in many cases) saying things like “just smile”, “you have so much in life, be happy”, “everyone goes through ups and downs, you will get over it”.

Perhaps it is my experience working with so many individuals with depression and seeing the range of devastating effects it can produce on their lives that makes me so upset about all these comments. So, let’s talk about what depression is not.

I would like to explain what depression is as described by some of my clients in the hope that others who experience these and related feelings know that they are not alone and can seek help. Depression has been described as a feeling of a having a vacuum around oneself, where you feel disconnected from everything and everyone around you. You observe things and people around you but depending on the severity of the depression and/or simply the day, you typically feel aloof and detached. That feeling of connection that we as humans value so much is gone. It’s like you are alone at the bottom of a dark world where nothing good can get to you. You do not feel – in fact at times, there is this feeling of almost being secure for some time in not feeling anything. However, at other times, there is a wave of extreme hopelessness and despair that washes over you, sweeping away anything good in your world. Tears overwhelm you for no reason at times, your judgement is impeded, you cannot concentrate on anything. You feel worthless and there is a high level of self-blame or guilt involved. You feel weak in being the way you are. You don’t want to do anything – both because you feel fatigued and because you have no interest. There is a strange dichotomous relationship with life – at times, you just want to give up and yet you wish, you pray, you cry that someone can help you, save you.

If you have experienced these symptoms for a period, there is treatment. Please reach out and learn ways to help you cope better. With therapy and medication, you can improve the quality of your and your family’s life. And yes, depression never just affects the individual, there is a relational effect on your family and friends. So please never give up hope.

Further Resources to Refer to:

• https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/depression/diagnosis-treatment/drc-20356013

• TED Talk: https://www.ted.com/talks/nikki_webber_allen_don_t_suffer_from_your_depression_in_silence?utm_campaign=tedspread&utm_medium=referral&utm_source=tedcomshare