Contextual Therapy: Effective model to repair relationships intergenerationally

Contextual Therapy and the Healing of Intergenerational Trauma

As a relational therapist, I often witness intergenerational trauma within my clients and their family systems. This trauma lives quietly in patterns—chronic guilt, loyalty conflicts, emotional cut-offs, over-responsibility, or a persistent sense of “owing” others at the cost of oneself. Contextual therapy, developed by Ivan Boszormenyi-Nagy, offers a powerful framework for understanding and healing these patterns by placing relationships, ethics, and fairness at the center of psychological well-being.

At its core, contextual therapy believes that we are shaped not only by intrapsychic processes or learned behaviors, but by relational ledgers—implicit accounts of giving, receiving, loyalty, trust, and injustice that span generations. Families pass down unresolved debts, expectations, and moral claims. When these ledgers are imbalanced, suffering often follows. For example, a parent who grew up emotionally neglected may unconsciously demand excessive emotional care from their child. The child, loyal and attuned, may comply—sacrificing autonomy to preserve connection with parent. While there is no visible abuse here, the situation of a child taking on more responsibility than is developmentally appropriate creates a hidden injustice that can later manifest as anxiety, resentment, or difficulties in adult relationships.

This example of hidden injustice within relationships points to one of the key factors contextual therapy addresses which is the emphasis on relational ethics (fairness, trustworthiness, and entitlement). Without resorting to blaming parents or individual pathology, this therapy acknowledges the suffering and limitations of previous generations while still validating the legitimate needs and entitlements of the present one. This balance is crucial in trauma healing.

Survivors of intergenerational trauma often struggle with intense loyalty binds: “If I acknowledge my pain, I betray my parents.” Contextual therapy gently disentangles this bind by affirming that understanding someone’s hardship does not erase the injustice one experienced. Helping client's see where trust was broken, where responsibilities were unfairly assigned, and where they gave more than was developmentally appropriate can be immensely validating and relieving.

Importantly, contextual therapy does not aim to sever family ties. Instead, it seeks mature relatedness—relationships grounded in mutual respect, realistic expectations, and voluntary care rather than obligation or fear. As clients rebalance their internal ledgers, they often find they can relate to family members with greater freedom: giving when they choose, setting limits without guilt, and interrupting the silent transmission of trauma to the next generation.